[vox] Linux jokes (was Re: [vox] A Special Request)

[Nicole the Wonder Nerd]

Up spake Richard S. Crawford on Wed, Jun 11, 2003 at 06:39:00AM -0700:
> I can't think of any Linux jokes to send on to him... maybe it's just too early
> in the morning.  Can anyone else think of any that I can send on to him? 

First, a Linus quote (you must read this in Linus's deadpan accent for best effect):
"We all know Linux is fast... it can do infinite loops in five seconds."


This one's been floating around for years:

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IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN THE AIRLINES 

       UNIX Airways 
       Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building. 

       Air DOS 
       Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ... 

       Mac Airlines 
       All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up. 

       Windows Air 
       The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever. 

       Windows NT Air 
       Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes. 

       Linux Air 
       Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plan leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do WHAT with the seat?" 

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Not Linux, but geeky:
Why can't programmers tell the difference between Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.  

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Are anti-MS jokes OK?

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Is Windows a virus? 
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 
  1) They replicate quickly -- Okay, Windows does that. 
  2) Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so -- Okay, Windows does that. 
  3) Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- Okay, Windows does that, too 
  4) Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems -- Sigh... Windows does that, too 
  5) Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware -- Yup, that's with Windows, too 
  6) Viruses are well-supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient; and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. 

Therefore, Windows is not a virus. 


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***
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